Top 10 Offbeat Stories of the Day – June 11th, 2012

Beauty is worse than wine…,  Burglar…, 400,000 toothpicks stolen…, PR nightmare for Microsoft…, Fire crews …, Perfect ACT Scores…, Hungry Jack truck crashes…, Woman demands apology…, Royals Teammate…, 100th anniversary of the Villisca…

1. Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and beholder. – Aldous Huxley

A belief in hell and the knowledge that every ambition is doomed to frustration at the hands of a skeleton have never prevented the majority of human beings from behaving as though death were no more than an unfounded rumor.

2. Burglar tries to break in to judge’s car just after leaving her court

Judge Lillian Sing got a taste of judicial medicine the other day when a convicted car burglar she was trying to help walked out of her San Francisco courtroom and, within minutes, was busted for allegedly breaking into her car. Phillip Bernard was in Community Court on Tuesday for a check of his progress while on probation for an auto burglary conviction.

3. Police investigating toothpick heist…400,000 toothpicks stolen

Athens-Clarke police are trying to track down thieves who stole nearly 400,000 toothpicks from a local toothpick manufacturer. Six cases of toothpicks went missing from Armond’s Manufacturing Company Inc., 95 Trade St., about two weeks ago, and another seven cases disappeared last weekend, according to police.

4. Raunchy dance routine a turns into a PR nightmare for Microsoft.

Microsoft announced a significant set of updates to its Windows Azure cloud computing platform this week … and this is how somebody in Norway decided to celebrate, apparently. A techno-dance routine that preceded Microsoft’s Windows Azure presentation at the Norwegian Developers Conference this week featured a group of women jumping around on stage to a song that included several drug references and this line: “The words MICRO and SOFT don’t apply to my p*nis.”

5. Fire crews called to remove s*x aid from 69-year-old man after 36-hour struggle (SFW)

Fire crews were called to a hospital to cut off a s*x aid after a pensioner had battled for 36 hours to remove it. Bemused surgeons asked for help when the 69-year-old turned up at North Manchester General Hospital and revealed his problem. Crews from Blackley station rushed to the ward and used a precision cutting tool to free the patient

6. Perfect ACT Scores At Irvine University High School Earned By Ten Students

An elite group of ten University High School students in Irvine, California all received perfect scores on the ACT test. Michele Gile, reporting for CBS2 and KCAL9, says in the exam’s 50-year history, no one school has ever had so many students score a “36″ in one year.

7. Hungry Jack truck crashes, dumping pancake syrup onto the Buttermilk Pike.

All lanes of traffic on north and southbound Interstate 75 are open this morning after a semi tractor-trailer collided with a car and crashed in the median, spilling his entire load of pancake syrup all over the southbound lanes. Both sides of the highway were reduced to two lanes for several hours late Thursday and early today while state transportation crews and officials with the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency cleaned up, according to Fort Mitchell police.

8. Woman demands apology after Publix cashier assumes she’s on WIC 

Shopping at her local Publix supermarket, Kathleen took some of her wholesome, perishable groceries—dairy and fruit—and put them on the conveyor belt before the rest of her items. This prompted the cashier to assume that since she had put the dairy items first, that she would be paying for those with a WIC check. She could have shrugged, said “no,” and forgotten about the incident. But the false assumption, the volume of the cashier’s voice and the attention that the question drew to her really embarrassed and upset Kathleen. She complained to store management and wants an apology from corporate that is not forthcoming.

9. Royals Teammate Was Probably Just Trying To Tell Bruce Chen He Had Something In His Eyes

During the Kansas City Royals 5-3 loss to the Pirates on Saturday Bruce Chen, who, interestingly enough, happens to be of Chinese descent, was doing a silly little in-game interview in anticipation of his big time face-off with the Pirates and A.J. Burnett. Then Humberto Quintero, the Royals catcher, came along and did his best Spanish Men’s basketball team impression right behind him.

10. Tomorrow is the 100th anniversary of the Villisca Ax murders in Iowa where 8 people where killed in their sleep. No one was ever charged with the crime.

Almost 97 years ago, long before serial killers and mass murders had become a way of life, two adults and 6 children were found brutally murdered in their beds in the small mid-western town of Villisca, Iowa. During the weeks that followed, life in this small town changed drastically. As residents of this small town reinforced locks, openly carried weapons and huddled together while sleeping, newspaper reporters and private detectives flooded the streets. Accusations, rumors and suspicion ran rampant among friends and families. Bloodhounds were brought in. Law enforcement agencies from neighboring counties and states joined forces. Hundreds of interviews filled thousands of pages.

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