Top 10 Offbeat Stories of the Day – May 02nd, 2012

11 year old boy urinates on $36k worth of Macbooks…, pregnant with nine babies…, 10 Things Your Commencement Speaker…, The “Octomom”, who vowed to never do p*rn…, Iconic poker champ ‘Amarillo Slim’ dies…, how to function at the bottom of a hierarchy…, DNA evidence sets free man jailed for 16 years…, Louis The Third went to a fraternity party…, Guy Fieri’s hot car found in teen’s storage locker…, America’s stupidest criminals…

1. 11 year old boy urinates on $36k worth of Macbooks.

He had the means and the opportunity, but we may never know the motive of an 11-year-old student who urinated on a couple dozen laptops left unattended at Upper Allen Township Elementary in Pennsylvania.

2. A Mexican woman who claimed to be pregnant with nine babies is not expecting and is simply clinically obese, health officials have said.

A Mexican woman who claimed to be pregnant with nine babies is not expecting and is simply clinically obese, health officials have said. They have also revealed it would be impossible for Karla Vanessa Perez to be carrying nonuplets because her fallopian tubes have been removed.

3. 10 Things Your Commencement Speaker Won’t Tell You

I became sick of commencement speeches at about your age. My first job out of college was writing speeches for the governor of Maine. Every spring, I would offer extraordinary tidbits of wisdom to 22-year-olds—which was quite a feat given that I was 23 at the time. In the decades since, I’ve spent most of my career teaching economics and public policy. In particular, I’ve studied happiness and well-being, about which we now know a great deal.

4. The “Octomom”, who vowed to never do p*rn, has filed for bankruptcy and will now do a solo masturbation video for money.

In Rancho Santa Fe a vacant home in the 18000 block of Avenida Alondra was targetted. The $5 million – 10,000 square foot mansion was host to nearly 400 teenagers. Deputies found drugs, alcohol and a live DJ. 10News even found a twitter invitation for the party.

5. Iconic poker champ ‘Amarillo Slim’ dies

Thomas Preston Jr. spent 22 hours to make $60,000 and headlines as “Amarillo Slim” in the 1972 World Series of Poker, then lived a public life of gambling and showmanship until his death Sunday morning. In private, he was a family man and lover of horses. “He was a cowboy at heart,” said Bunky Preston, his eldest son. “He used poker to make money, but he enjoyed chasing cows.”

6. Many young adults have no clue how to function at the bottom of a hierarchy.

Do today’s kids make terrible entry-level workers? That’s a question much on employers’ minds as graduation season kicks off and young adults begin their first full-time jobs. We’ve all heard the stories: assistants who won’t “assist,” new workers who can’t set an alarm, employees who can’t grasp institutional hierarchies.

7. DNA evidence sets free man jailed for 16 years

A Colorado man wrongly convicted and sentenced to life in prison for the rape and murder of a woman found strangled with a dog leash was exonerated on the basis of new DNA evidence and set free on Monday after spending more than 16 years behind bars.

8. Louis The Third went to a fraternity party, stood around while fraternity kids drank, and when one of them tried to shoot a bottle rocket of out his ass, he was “startled” and fell off of the deck and injured himself.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man on the deck of a fraternity house in proximity to a drunk shooting bottle rockets out of his anus should recognize himself amidst potentially hazardous circumstances. But in this iconoclastic modern world, not everyone recognizes universal truths. Certainly neither Louis Helmburg III nor his lawyer Timothy P. Rosinsky recognize them. Perhaps that’s why they are suing the Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity of Huntington, West Virginia, as well as hapless human asscannon Travis Hughes.

9. Guy Fieri’s hot car found in teen’s storage locker

A brazen thief rappels from the roof of a San Francisco car dealership, a celebrity chef’s prized car is stolen, and a year later, a man in black opens fire on a young couple. It was all a mysterious kaleidoscope of crime until last weekend, when investigators tied it all to a storage container in Richmond where they found a bright yellow Lamborghini and a teenager with a gun.

10. What were they inking? America’s stupidest criminals who always get caught… because of the tattoos that cover their faces.

If any of this motley bunch of criminals were planning to commit another crime, they might want to ink again. Each of these instantly recognisable felons has guilt written all over their faces… some of them almost literally. And as these hilarious police mugshots show, they are surely some of the world’s stupidest offenders, judging by the ridiculous tattoos plastered on their foreheads.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>