My wife said to just grab a handful….She didn’t realize I could grip the whole row one handed.

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This was my 26th birthday party, set up by my family.

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You are not a cat.

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Fortune cookie a little too ominous for me.

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“I assure you, townspeople, I am not a police surveillance vehicle.”

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Gotta love old Gameboy ads.

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This care label on my pants.

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My new wife and I dressed to the 9s on our cruise’s elegant night on our honeymoon.

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Getting a little confused by these instructions on this monitor’s packaging at work.

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Stoveinkerator.

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I’m a cashier and someone just paid with this.

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A coworker said there was a walk-in fridge in the break room… Wasn’t disappointed.

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The latest attraction at the Torture Museum: Amy Schumer!

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How I protect my pizza.

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Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

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Really Lego, was that necessary?

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On the computer and my 6 y/o says: Hey dad… look. I see this.

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