There’s a wizard in my lava lamp.

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Had a baby

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Self checkout is closed at the store. Great.

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I couldn’t bring myself to eat him.

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My neighbors are redoing their yard. They try to keep him off the dirt but as soon as they go inside he’s right back up there.

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Totoyotata

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Decked out bumper

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One time I got drunk in a hooters and the staff gave me an outfit.

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We miss you Peregrin, but not that much.

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Is that even physically possible?

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You wouldn’t carry your baby with one hand..

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My mom accidentally baked her iPad in the oven.

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