I wrote this about my dad when I was 6, my parents will never let me live it down.

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Found in the wild.

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Rubbing salt in the wound with this decoration set.

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This fat robin entered my life a month ago. He loves perching on car mirrors and taking morning poops.

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The plastic surgeon had a 50% off discount.

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Make Love Make Hot Doggie

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Mother-in-law sterilized my daughter’s bottles in a pot of boiling water…

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4 years ago this would have been considered a sign of wealth and prosperity. Now it’s just laziness.

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This photo of me and my cat Noodle.

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I think I’ll use the other bench thanks.

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Seen at the DMV.

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Sure, I can wait 43 years.

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My Son is Having a Spider-Man Birthday.

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